Women Supporting Women: Are We Really There Yet?
We live in a culture that loves to repeat the mantra “women support women.” It’s on the mugs, the tote bags, the hashtags. But let’s be brutally honest: we are not there yet.
In fact, in my own journey as a female entrepreneur in Kelowna, I’ve found my biggest obstacles have not been men. They’ve been other women.
The Harsh Reality
When I entered the fitness and wellness space as a personal trainer, I thought the “sisterhood” would have my back. The reality? Far from it. I’ve been met with cold shoulders, harsh judgments, and a startling lack of support from women who claim to empower others. Men, surprisingly, have been far more encouraging of my growth and my voice.
Yes, I’ve encountered challenges from some male counterparts too — but the deepest cuts, the ones that really hurt, came from women.
When Support Turns Into Sabotage
When I first came to Kelowna, I naively thought that the phrase “women support women” meant I’d be entering a community that lifted each other up. What I found instead was a cutthroat undercurrent. I experienced women trying to undercut my program, avoid honoring commitments, and even speak poorly about me socially.
At first, I took it personally. But over time, I realized something important: their behavior wasn’t about me. It was about them.
Relational aggression among women — subtle forms of sabotage such as social exclusion, rumor-spreading, or indirect undermining — is a documented workplace behavior . These tactics are often passive-aggressive and are driven by deep-rooted instincts to suppress rivals, even when veiled as care or “concern” .
That doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt — it did. But it also gave me perspective. If we, as women, can’t address our own insecurities and blind spots, we will continue to project them onto other women. And until we learn to hold each other accountable with compassion — instead of tearing down what we don’t understand — “women supporting women” will remain just another empty slogan.
Moving In, Not Tearing Down
Somewhere along the way, many women have been conditioned to see each other as competition. When another woman has something we don’t — a skill, a body, a credential, a business — the reflex too often is to move away, to get defensive, or worse, to get catty and cutting.
But here’s the truth: every time we shrink from another woman’s strength, we miss an opportunity. Instead of moving away, what if we moved in? Instead of tearing her down, what if we asked, “What can I learn here?”
Female rivalry often comes from internal insecurities or systemic pressures, not innate spite. Research shows that women expect camaraderie from each other in the workplace — which is why betrayal, competition, or cattiness feels like a deeper wound .
Jealousy and rivalry might feel like protection in the short term, but they rob us of growth in the long term. Women don’t have to be rivals. We can be mirrors, teachers, collaborators. We can use each other’s differences not as ammunition, but as fuel.
Because let’s be honest: cutting someone down will never make you taller. But leaning in, learning, and building each other up? That creates communities — and industries — that actually thrive.
The Copycat Culture
Another piece of this puzzle is what I call copycat culture. More than once in Kelowna, I’ve seen my ideas, programs, and even my words mirrored back to me — without so much as a nod of credit. And here’s the thing: I don’t mind being copied. If what I’m doing inspires someone, that’s proof it has value.
What hurts is the silence. The refusal to say, “Hey, Elle Jolie had something great going on, and I wanted to bring that energy into my own work.” Instead, it’s a quiet lift-and-shift, as if acknowledgment would somehow take away from them.
Copycat behavior is often driven by fear — a way to mimic success without vulnerability, recognition, or gratitude . But acknowledgment doesn’t take away. It adds. Giving credit doesn’t dim your light — it multiplies it. When we choose to copy in the shadows instead of collaborate in the open, we reinforce a culture of rivalry rather than one of respect.
If women truly supported women, we’d be able to say, “That idea inspired me. She sparked something in me.” And then we’d both rise.
Pseudoscience vs. Science
Here’s where it gets even more challenging. Kelowna has one of the largest non-religious populations in Canada, with over half of residents identifying as having “no religion” . At first glance, you might assume that would mean a community grounded in critical thinking and science-based reasoning. But the data tells us something different: worldwide, pseudoscientific beliefs thrive even in highly educated, secular environments.
Studies show that over 70% of adults in North America view alternative medicine as a valid complement to medical treatment, and in Europe, the majority of respondents see it as safe and effective for common ailments . Even university students — outside of STEM fields — tend to score higher on pseudoscience endorsement scales . Other research shows that even science students sometimes accept pseudoscientific ideas like astrology when they are packaged in scientific-sounding language .
Kelowna’s culture reflects this trend: secular but not necessarily skeptical. Which is why, as a science-based coach, I often find myself pushing against the current rather than floating with it.
The Wound Beneath the Hashtag
It’s easy to post “women support women” on Instagram. It’s much harder to live it when another woman challenges your beliefs, disrupts the status quo, or simply dares to do things differently. True support isn’t just clapping when it’s convenient. True support is showing up when someone pushes boundaries, speaks the truth, or chooses evidence over popularity.
Until we can accept difference — especially a difference rooted in facts and rigorous study — “women supporting women” will remain more of a marketing slogan than a reality.
Why I’m Still Here
So why do I keep pushing? Because despite the hurt, I believe in women. I believe in the power of science to transform health and fitness for women, and I refuse to be silenced by trend-driven noise.
I also believe that honesty like this — naming the problem — is the first step to real change. If we want a world where women truly support women, we need to stop competing, stop silencing, and stop dismissing each other. We need to hold space for evidence, even when it makes us uncomfortable.
The Takeaway
I’m not here for easy hashtags. I’m here for hard truths, for stronger women, and for real science. Supporting women isn’t just about posting pretty graphics — it’s about standing shoulder to shoulder, even when we don’t agree. Especially when we don’t agree.
Until then? I’ll keep doing what I’ve always done: training hard, standing tall, and speaking the truth — even if it makes me unpopular in my own backyard.
And before I close, I want to say this: to the women who have supported me — thank you. You know who you are. My daughter has been one of the greatest supports I could ever wish for in my business, and I’ll never forget the women who chose to lift me up rather than cut me down. When I’m bigger, stronger, and conquering the world with my StrongHER Club, your support will always be part of that story.
References
JWI — Relational Aggression in Women Leaders. University of Nebraska. digitalcommons.unl.edu
"Crush rivals with gossip while feigning concern." The Times (2020). thetimes.co.uk
Harms, P. (2025). Toxic Female Rivalry in the Workplace. NY Post. nypost.com
Nazish, A. (2019). The Rise of Copycat Culture. Medium. nazish2019.medium.com
Ask Us Kelowna (2021). Kelowna Has a Large Non-Religious Population. askuskelowna.ca
Nicolini, A., et al. (2024). The Public Health Impact of Pseudoscientific Beliefs. Journal of Clinical Medicine, 13(8), 2007. PMC11190135
Cárdenas, D., et al. (2025). University Students’ Beliefs in Pseudoscience: A Cross-National Study. Education Sciences, 15(4), 483. MDPI
Turnbull, A. (2023). Why Students Believe in Pseudoscience: The Role of Scientific Language. MRU Journal of Scholarly Research. Mount Royal University